Wow, that is actually a really bold and all-caps font that really yelled that at you, huh? Unfortunately, I don’t want to spend the time trying to figure out how to make that not uppercase so we are just going to roll with it. But now that I have your attention, welcome!

I am going to be sharing some very raw, unfiltered, unedited, and very likely not even reread content on my blog as I go about the book-writing process.

The cool thing is you’ll get to see these raw stories before my coach/editor polishes them or tells me to completely cut some stories.

The bad news is you’re going to sometimes have to determine what exactly I meant when I accidentally typed “lkaffwes” and didn’t notice the red squiggly line telling me that nobody understands anything I’m saying. If all else fails, maybe just insert the word “fuck” or some other cussword of your choice and I’m sure it will suffice and get across the intended meaning.

Also, if you’re offended just by reading this introduction to the introduction, then this “book” or whatever in the hell I am writing is not for you. I send you off with peace, love, and light.

Finally, I use the Oxford comma because it makes sense. I assume in the editing process I will be forced to remove it, but until then as long as this lives on my blog and not in a book it’s my rules, dammit. 😉

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Enjoy!

Let me be real with you about how this book thing got started. People have been telling me for years that I should write a book. And like most sane humans (ha!), I said, “Yeah, sure” and then kept on with my life. 

Don’t get me wrong, there were a few times when I sure the hell felt like I was living the rollercoaster of what only you would find in a book or one of those really bad Lifetime movies you simply can’t make yourself stop watching. But me writing about it? No way. Yet, here we are. 

During my healing journey (so far), I went through a freaking lot. Like a lot a lot. My experiences ranged from feeling incredible joy and a deep knowing of being loved to the darkest nights of the soul that left me crying out in agony and desperation for help, unsure if I would be able to survive. I picked up many of the tools, resources, and other information along the way (some of which I paid a ton of money for) and was hopeful maybe some of them could help others. And given that one of the main reasons for my existence on this planet we call Earth is to help others on their own journey, I decided to write the dang book.

(Spoiler alert: I actually have no idea why I decided to write this book besides that it felt like what I was supposed to do next, and sometimes when Spirit says to do something you just say “Yes mam” and you do it. That is also why I uprooted my life completely and am currently in Guatemala. More on that later.)

Great, right? Well, that was until I took an outline to my coach of what I thought could help people on their healing journeys and she flipped the switch on me and encouraged me to write about my stories. You see, that was not the plan. I was going to write about emotional regulation tools, tips for getting back into your body after years of trauma, and all these other helpful resources. I was not planning to write about me. 

I’m pretty sure the conversation with my coach went something like this:

Me: “Hey! Check out this very straightforward outline of what has helped me that may be able to help others. You’ll see I already have an outline for each chapter based on a specific topic. Chapter 1, for example, is about how we seek comfort in the known, the things we are used to, and how we will inevitably continue down that path without a massive shift to get us out of that energetic pathway.”

Her: “I read over your outline and it’s good. I can see you spent time creating a structure and even putting some tools down that you think would be helpful. The outline is nice (she fucking said nice… we all know what that means), but I have a better idea. You should write about your stories. Take out your heart, put it on the page, and give others the information they need to really hurt you.” 

Fuck. My. Life. 

Obviously, that’s not exactly what she said because she’s a kind person and a professional, but given my own traumatic experiences of abandonment and rejection, that is something along the lines of what I heard. And let me tell you it was absolutely not at all what I wanted to hear and in that instant, anxiety set in and I immediately used the only defense I had. 

Me: “Well, someone we both know and respect who does this speaking thing a lot told me not to write about myself because people didn’t want to hear about me, but they instead want to hear about them. So, you’re wrong and therefore I don’t have to do it.” 

Let’s just say, she didn’t relent and she saw right through my attempts to skirt around the real issue at hand – my fear of putting myself out there and being rejected once again. She kindly explained to me that in that single Zoom meeting alone as I was sharing more about my life she started connecting with her own stories. Much to my surprise, sharing my stories was helping her to feel seen, understood, and not alone in her own stories. At the same time, she was showing me that my voice helps others and my sharing is a gift to those around me (boy was that the exact opposite of my trauma scripts). 

I didn’t share this with her at the time, but I had to admit that as I shared my stories I could see the ice around her stories start to melt. She started to let me in and it touched my heart. The conversation was beautiful. There were times when we teared up and other times when we were laughing so hard that it was impossible to tell if the tears were from laughing or crying. Our exchange was healing for us both. 

I want to replicate that experience with you within the container of these pages. (Don’t worry, you will still get the awesome tips, insights, tools, and resources I have collected along the way; however, that will not be the main focus. I will be. Dear God even saying that makes me cringe as it goes against everything I was ever taught by society, but if it will help you and me and the world then I am here for it.) 

I would like to invite you into my story, my heart, and the next steps of your journey. May the pages before you provide a source of inspiration, comfort, understanding, warmth, and most importantly love. (You’ll also laugh, which will be a break from the “work” that will hopefully keep you reading and wondering what in the world is coming next.) 

I wish I could tell you that I am providing you with a magic pill or an affirmation to repeat that will change your life in an instant. Unfortunately, that is not how the healing journey works. Instead, I am going to share with you some of my deepest experiences and weave in the resources that helped me the most along the way, all in hopes that they encourage and comfort you as you take your journey back to yourself.  

Although much of what we will explore are my personal stories and lessons learned, this book is really about you and your journey. May my experiences – both beautiful and painstakingly difficult – serve as a light to your next steps. And may you be able to laugh at yourself as you read some of the ridiculousness in the pages to come. 

My intention is that everyone who reads this transcends time and space to fully engage in the beautiful, sacred container we are co-creating. May you feel as though we are sitting across from one another in healing conversation over a warm cup of coffee, hot tea, or your beverage of choice. 

I invite you to show up as all of you. Every part of you is welcome here. You may laugh, you may cry, and you may want to scream out in frustration – all of that is allowed. And I hope the information contained in this book helps you see how when we fully show up as ourselves, everyone wins. 

Let’s jump in.

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