Why, Exactly, Guatemala? 

I have been asked that question no less than one hundred times and most of the time I shrug and say something along the lines of “I just know I need to go” while people look at me in bewilderment and respond by telling me everything from not to go because we may get kidnapped or killed to telling me that they wish they could make such a decision in their life while sharing how brave I am for my choices. 

First, I’ll say that the likelihood of us being murdered or kidnapped here is probably only slightly higher than most places in the United States. We are far more likely to die on the interstate while riding in metal objects that are going 60+ mph at each other. So statistically speaking we are likely safer in Guatemala given that we are not in cars. Although at this point you’ve read the chapter on public transportation trying to kill us so maybe the more accurate statistic is that we are just as likely to die in the United States as we are here and therefore I consider those concerns null and void. (And no Mom, I am not worried about the rumored dragon at the bottom of Lake Atitlan. Maybe she decides to show herself to me and we can have a nice chat about the state of the world and brainstorm how to help get the Earth out of this mess we humans have made.) 

Second, my response to the latter group who says they wish they could sell all their belongings and move to another country all while quitting their full-time, secure job was consistent, “Well, you can.” I fully believe that to be true and that is part of why I am even writing this book. If I can do it, so can you (if it’s aligned and what your heart and the universe are calling you to do). 

So, although it’s true that I simply just know we were supposed to come to Guatemala for an extended period I haven’t exactly shared the full story of what led us here with many people. Partly because it’s a lot to try to explain and I simply didn’t feel like going into it in the middle of Seeds Coffee, and also partly because I didn’t want to deal with how people may respond which could range from looking at me like I was a child of the devil (I was in the Southeastern part of the United States so this is more accurate than said for comic relief) or turning completely white and running away from the conversation as fast as possible. 

Don’t get me wrong though, some days since being here even I don’t know why the hell I am in a third-world country when I could be living the high life of consistently warm showers, soaking in a bathtub, and being able to eat out at restaurants without worrying if the food preparation is going to lead to a week of contemplating my life’s decisions as I live in a bathroom ejecting parasites from both ends. (In truth, I’ve only actually questioned with seriousness why the fuck we came here once and it was incredibly fleeting.)

In short, I know I’m supposed to be here and this is the beginning part of the story of how I know that to be the case. 

Where It All Started

It was the summer of 2023 and I was hanging out on my patio in the comfort of my beautiful, cozy home that overlooked my pool. I was chatting online with a friend who I met in an online group when she recommended a person who she had been mentored by previously. In essence, she thought I would like her and that I may be interested in joining a group she’s leading or working with her one-on-one. And then I got on a plane to Guatemala. (Okay, that’s jumping ahead, but it sounded fun in my head so I went with it.)

I decided to go check out this person’s website because I was very much looking for a “next step” in my healing journey and finding someone else to help act as a mentor was part of my plan. So here I was casually browsing her website for upcoming online groups she would be leading when I came across a retreat for January 2024 at Lake Atitlan in Guatemala. The next thing I know we are exchanging a couple of emails and I am booking a damn flight to Guatemala City for January 19. To say that this was out of character is an understatement. 

Do I tend to make semi-impulsive decisions about things that don’t exactly matter like signing up for an online energy healing class that just sounds good but that I probably should have researched more before paying $500? Absolutely. But booking a trip to a third-world country with a group of people I don’t even know for a retreat that I think is a yoga retreat (when I don’t even do yoga)? A bit out of character. But it felt right so I did it. 

And for those of you wondering if was I enjoying a few cocktails or glasses of wine while I was making this decision (hey, we’ve all been there, right?) the answer is no. I was fully in my right mind when I paid the deposit for this retreat and booked a flight, all without having an up-to-date passport. 

Fast forward to a week before the trip and we all hop on a group call to get to know each other more and talk about some logistics, like how in the hell we are getting from Guatemala City to Lake Atitlan all in one piece, complete with all of our luggage. It was on this Zoom call that I announced to a group of people who were all from Canada, “So uh, this may be a good time to tell you that I don’t know anything about yoga besides that I really like child’s pose.” 

They all giggled and then one of the retreat leaders said “You do know this isn’t a yoga retreat, right?” I did not and told them as much. The truth is I left that call still having absolutely no idea what type of retreat I was going on, I just knew I was going with a bunch of people I didn’t know to a place I’d never been, to do whatever they had in store for us. (Teenage Nicole with horrific anxiety would have lost her shit.) 

Unexpected Visitors

I arrived in Guatemala solo and was shuttled to the hostel we were staying at for the night. As we made the literally 2-minute drive I had a very weird feeling that I had been there (Guatemala City) before. Spoiler alert, I hadn’t, at least not in this life. 

Everyone else arrived and the next morning we drove to the lake and got settled in at the retreat center, somehow without me purging on the curvy car ride to the lake. On the ride down, I quickly got to know at least the names of eight of the people in the van with me and started to build some connections with those sitting closest to me on the ride. Everyone else knew at least one other person on the retreat so I was doing what I do best, adapting to the situation and making connections with people. 

On the second (or maybe third?) day of the retreat I still only knew the names of about half of the people in our group (around 20 total) and we were very much still getting to know one another. After a shamanic fire ceremony, one of the participants who I hadn’t talked with much up until this point came to me and told me that she had seen some spirits with her actual eyes for the first time in her life at the fire ceremony and kept hearing in her head afterward to “talk to Nicole” and that I could help. 

Given it was late at night and I was exhausted, we made plans to meet up the next day when we had some free time in our schedule so I could help her set some energetic boundaries to keep her body and energy field safe and pure. Thankfully I knew how to do this already due to my own experiences and the beautiful guidance of my mentors and coaches. 

When we met up the next day, we did some energetic clearings and then she told me that a young man was present. I instantly knew by the look on her face she meant a spirit was with us. I turned my attention away from her and immediately sensed his presence standing not too far away from us. (So, the thing about my “vision” when it comes to these things is that it’s in my mind’s eye. I do not actually see spirits with my naked eye and I think part of this is because once I heard the story about a firey bush talking to Moses I made it clear to God that I didn’t want to see any of that shit and went ahead and added in “or ghosts.” The moral of this part of the side story is to be careful with what you say because God listens and oftentimes does grant your wishes especially when stated with the fierce conviction of a scared 8-year-old kid.) 

Nonetheless, I sensed his spirit and told her where he was “standing” and she nodded in confirmation. I asked him what he wanted and between the two of us, it became clear that he wanted to talk to his mom who was on the retreat with us. I gave him my word I’d ask her and then asked him to go away so we could continue what we were doing and added in a reminder for him to stop waking people up in the middle of the night so we could get sleep. 

Later that evening I talked to his mom (perspective, I hadn’t had a single conversation with this woman before we randomly ended up alone together in a temple.) I went up to her and asked if she had a son who was no longer alive and told her his name and that he wanted to talk to her. Much to my relief, she didn’t call me crazy or run out of the room screaming. She asked me to state his name again, which I did, then she started crying. I found out in the conversation with her that he had passed away suddenly three years prior and it had been very difficult for her to cope with his passing (fucking understandably so. Parents shouldn’t have to bury their children.) 

To honor her privacy and that of her son, I will just say that his death was unexpected and as with many unexpected deaths it can leave those who are left here on Earth with a very heavy grieving process and difficulty moving on due to a lack of understanding of what, exactly happened. For those on the spirit side, it can also complicate their crossing over to the other side because they see the deep pain of their loved ones and feel compelled to stay and try to get their attention. 

I was exhausted and we had another session from the retreat to attend so we ended our conversation there, but I promised her (and him) that I would facilitate the conversation in the next day or two when I felt more energetically able to assist.

A couple of days later after our sessions for the day, we sat down outside in the living room area and she asked questions out loud to her son. I heard his answers and told her what he said. I was honored to be a witness to a strikingly beautiful conversation between a mother and a son that led to so much immediate healing. I can’t explain it in words, but her entire demeanor changed after this conversation. For the rest of the retreat, she will filled with so much life, weightlessness, and an undeniable glow. 

I’ll just say it’s hard to walk back into an academic classroom and teach after that experience. I knew I had different work to do now. 

An Interruption to My Morning Meditation

At another point during the retreat, we were all gathered together on this beautiful wooden yoga deck overlooking the lake and volcanos as one of our retreat guides led us through a morning meditation. The next thing I knew as everyone sat there with their eyes closed, an older woman appeared me to (again, in my mind’s eye). 

I asked her what she wanted and who she was here for and I saw someone on the retreat flash in front of me in my mind’s eye. At this point, I had not had a single conversation with this person. I then asked my spirit guides “Why am I seeing Jeff?” (not his actual name). It became clear to me that this woman had a message for him. 

She went on to tell me that she had a message for her son and wanted him to know that she was so incredibly proud of him for being on the retreat. I then told her that I couldn’t just go up to him and tell him that his mom appeared to me and is proud of him without him thinking I was losing my damn mind (at this point I was still 90% sure I wasn’t). She then told me the first two letters of his middle name and showed me another image to act as confirmation to him that I wasn’t making shit up. However, she couldn’t do the hard work for me, which was mustering the courage to actually tell a man who was completely stretching his comfort zone just being on this retreat that his dead mother came to say hi and show her support. 

I patiently waited for the meditation to be done and then I had this all-too-familiar feeling inside of me that I simply had to share what just happened (if you’ve had this feeling before, you know it very well). I swallowed hard and before the group was dismissed I hesitantly said that I needed to share something that happened during the meditation with the group. 

Still not completely trusting what I had seen and heard myself, I decided to opt for a less terrifying approach to this situation. I said to the group “I had an experience during the meditation. A woman appeared to me telling me that she had a message for someone in the group. She wanted this person to know she was proud of them for being here specifically on this retreat. She said the person’s middle initials started with these two letters.” I then shared the two letters. 

I kid you not this man who was not even part of the circle at this moment because his feet were hanging off the side of the yoga platform overlooking the lake turned around and said “My middle name starts with those two letters.” It was then that I explained to the entire group that I had seen him come into my mind when I asked who the message was for. Then I looked Jeff in the eyes and revealed the message to him from his mother.  

On one of the last days of the retreat we were doing what was called a “rebirthing canal” (yes it’s woo woo as fuck and sounds weird, but that’s what it was called), and as he walked between the two lines with others giving him hugs I started bawling. All I can tell you is that it wasn’t me crying. I heard his mom clearly ask me to step forward and tell him she wanted to give him a hug, and then I gave this still practically stranger a huge nurturing hug that only a mom can give. He received the hug and returned a firm embrace back in return with tears in his eyes. 

Then I regained my composure and made some time and space to process what the hell just happened. 

Needless to say, something magical was happening at the lake and my gifts were heightened in a way that I simply could not deny. Before we left the retreat I found myself having conversations with one of our tour guides about the options for schools for my kid and I was secretly looking up real estate at night as I rested in my bed at the retreat center. 

What I didn’t realize then that I do realize now is that these playful information-gathering and real-estate-searching adventures would quickly turn into reality. 

(Side note: I will share more later on how all this “magic” came to be in my life.)